Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Undelivered Letter

I’ve been thinking of you lately so strongly and how I wish I could call or see you and know why.

A few days ago while sitting to watch TV, you came to my mind and my tears fell alone when I remembered. Saturday evenings used to be fun from the moment we’d start helping mom in the kitchen preparing for dinner and waiting impatiently for the others to arrive. And the few words I always loved to hear “go call Ammo Jihad and tell him not to forget the small koussa” or “… tell him not to bother with the koussa, I got them here” or “… ask him when he’ll be here” This meant that our evening is going to be happy and fun. I loved your smile, the sparkle in your eyes when you greet us, your sweetness, your jokes even those I didn’t understand at the time. I loved the look on your face when making fun of someone. You were a real personable person, a true friend and one of the family that we hold close to our hearts forever.

Tonight at Our Lady of Assistance, listening to a Christmas recital, the thought of you came as real as feeling you next to me. Christmas is here, and I’m oceans away from my family, yet the only one I’m missing the most this year is you. Or maybe I feel you so close that you are in my mind front and center? Is there something you wish to tell me by being so close these days? Or do I need you that much that I’m thinking of you more than ever? Or is your ghost living in this house and this is how I know you’re here?

I’m writing this and I know you are not “alive” to read it like people do, but I sure hope you can read my heart from wherever you are, and I hope you know that I miss you soooooooooo much and that I love you… always did and always will. There is no way you can be forgotten, MY Khalo by heart, not by blood.

Merry Christmas Ammo Jihad. I am so sorry for Anastasia who will not get to know the wonderful person that you (were) are.